I don’t want to end up naked in a corn field

So here in good ol’ East Central Indiana we’re under a severe weather warning.  The skies look fairly menacing and the winds are blowing.  Classic tornado weather.

Now, I’m no tornado wimp.  I’ve  once been locked in Walmart during a code black (weather emergency).  Once it was determined no one was going to be allowed to leave the store since a tornado was touching down a mile away from the store, we were corralled back “Home Goods” by the pillows.  Did I freak out like my fellow shopping partner that night?  To borrow a phrase from when my little guy was even littler – Hecks no!  I calmly pulled down a bean bag chair and pillows and made myself a comfy little nest in the middle of isle 12.  My shopping partner, Patty, said claimed “We’re all going to die!”  I replied, “Well, if I’m gonna die, I”m gonna die comfortably in a bean bag chair.”  I don’t think she appreciated my humor that night.  Needless to say, we didn’t die and we’re both still alive and well today – and still friends in spite of my lack of compassion to other people’s fears.

All that to say that I’m not a weenie when it comes to inclement weather.  However, I do have a couple of things that freak me the “hecks” out.

A – The fear of getting sucked up in a tornado while taking a shower.

and

#2 – Having to go in a basment during a tornado.

A – Let’s start with getting sucked up into a tornado whilst taking a shower.  This morning, my morning routine was cut pretty short when I heard the wind whipping around outside and threatening to rip the tin room off of our 100 year old farm house.  Sorry Husband, the legs did not get shaved today.  I figured you’d rather deal with prickly legs than have to go pick up your naked and freaking out wife out of a cornfield somewhere.  Now, I know the odds of that actually happening are fairly slim.  But you know it’s happened to people.  But, knowing my luck, I’d totally be one of the unlucky ones and end up naked in in my father-in-law’s corn field.  Oh yeah, now that I’ve married into the farm mob, I’m surrounded by my in-laws on all sides.  They are everywhere.  The last thing I want is Uncle Keith finding me naked in his field.  I would NEVER live that down!  Never, ever.  I love my in-laws, but there are some things that don’t need to be shared

On to #2 – Taking shelter in a basement during a tornado.  Some people are lucky enough to have really nice finished basements that are more like an extension of their house.  No such luck here.  My 100 year old farm house has the creepiest basement second only to my in-laws basement.  I’ve only been down to ours twice to kick the furnace when The Husband wasn’t around to do it and I was freezing to death.  Other than that, that basement is off limits and is lovingly referred to by me as “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Basement.”  Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear someone yell “Bring out the Gimp!” in reference to my basement.  Scary stuff.  Couple that with the fact that I HATE basements of any kind and it’s not a good combo.

My illogical fear of basements stems back from the creepy house we lived in from when I was born until age 5.  I was always freaked out by that house and didn’t know why.  It turns out, that someone had committed suicide in that house right before my parents bought it.  They got a good price on it because there were STILL BLOOD STAINS (and possibly brains) on the carpet!  So they had to do some do-it-yourself HAZMAT clean up before we moved in.  CRAZY!  Anyway, I didn’t find out about that until just a few years ago.  What really freaked me out was that we had a creepy basement there.  I didn’t have to go down there very often, but when I did, it was freaky.  My mom kept an old candle that used to be her father’s on the ledge going down the staircase.  The candle was right at eye level for little impressionable Angie and was in the shape of a skull and crossbones.  Talk about scarring a out a scardy-cat little 3 year old for life! I’ve never been able to think of a basement without thinking of that blasted candle freaking me the “hecks” out.

So there you go… just some insight into my little corner of the world.  Feel free to share your crazy fears with me so I don’t feel so alone!